He is amazing, perfect, and he loves me. I couldn't have asked for a better guy to fall in love. Sometimes I feel that I don't deserve his love and admiration. It's my insecurities talking, I know, but I can help feeling that way. It's been 8 months and I can't believe I found someone I can connect with and feel totally comfortable with. The downside to our relationship is that he lives in another country. But its okay we have no rush to see each other. Well we do realy want to see each other but its not financially possible, nor is it not the right time in terms of our current situations. Somehow I hope we will be able to make it happen and meet at soon.
That is my amazing good news. I recenty sent him a ton of gifts that I knew he would love.
I did it because his bithday is coming up soon and he had already sent me two games and a DVD because he has a lot of generous bones in his body. I also send him the gifts because hes given me the best 8 months I've ever had in the past 8 years. I'm so grateful for his love but also for his friendship because he is truly my best friend.
I hopefully we can make it for another 8 months and more. :)
- Current Mood: happy
“I wrote the Hermione/Ron relationship as a form of wish fulfillment,” she [J.K. Rowling] says. “That’s how it was conceived, really. For reasons that have very little to do with literature and far more to do with me clinging to the plot as I first imagined it, Hermione ended up with Ron.”
Well, ain't that cute. She finally sees the light. I could have told you that ages ago you simple woman! Truthfully, I think she's rich and bored. Every once in a while she says stuff like this to stir shit up again.
Alright, going back to my fortress of solitude to read sexually explicit queer literature for class.
- Current Mood: amused
- Current Music:Dashboard Confessional - Vindicated
I will update this for New Years because I am determined to have a stable-ish blog for random occurrences. Xanga is no longer around to go to cry in so my permanent LJ will have to do. I don't want to call it a resolution because then I'll never get around to do it.
Well crap...I called it a resolution now. >:(
- Current Mood: sleepy
I almost had sex. When I say almost I mean the tip of his penis was trying to penetrate but it hurt LIKE THE FIRE FROM THE PITS OF HELL kind of pain. Also, he could have gotten me pregnant because WE FUCKING FORGOT TO GET A CONDOM!!.I can't believe I forgot. I, Allison, this girl who currently has a health class that had discussed at full length the importance of a condom.
I had my period today, I mean yesterday 11/12/13, (to spell it out like that I cant believe I almost had sex and was fingered at an auspicious day.) he didn't care that I had my period he really wanted it. I really wanted it. I cant believe I was going to have sex with a friend that I've known for 6 years. We almost dated but it didn't work out well. Ever since then though we've had an odd friendship push and pull kind of thing. Scratched that, our friendship is really an awkward one. We used to see or talk to each other once a year or so after he graduated high school it wasn't until last year that we've been talking on facebook for regularly and not until this year that we have seen each other more frequently.
He kissed me back in May, our first real make-out session not that sloppy kiss when we were teenagers. We almost had sex then but I had to stop it because; omg why the hell is he kissing me?? I can't stop it. I can't him from kissing me. I want it. I don't want him but I want the experience. We are in lust I think. I'm pretty sure I gave him a bad blowjob. He's so nice about it. He said he was really turned on and that I did ok for my first time. He had to jack off in the bathroom because he tried three times to penetrate and it hurt so much.
The fingering was so good though. I think from behind might have not been a good position to start with.
Whatever, from advice on commentators on ONTD i learned three that I already knew but had not fully realized their importance until now:
1. Always have him wear a condom
2. Lube is a must
3. Because i'm a virgin it will hurt a lot the first few times so I must practice and try to be fore relaxed next time. MOAR foreplay.
I still can't believe I almost had sex. Though my health professor says that if you're both aroused and genitalia is exposed then its already sex.
- Current Mood: sore
I really believed he was going to back off but he didn't.
Did he take some confidence pills? Boost courage shot? Was he recently hit with the sledgehammer of presumption?!?
So...what did I do when he kissed me again? um, well, I kissed him back. I CANT EVEN! I seriously don't know why.
The things that were going through my head or should I say what was not going through my head. I was a blank.
The hype on kissing is silly totally untrue. I can confirm.
What I can confirm is that when you kiss someone or at least when I was kissing him it was like being in nothingness.
Not only was we making out he was seriously wanting to immediately go to the next step. New territory? HA! Talk about a whole another continent.
It is weird that I feel like I was being manipulated by him. Not sure if he knew or not.
No matter how many time I mull it over in my head I still don't know what he was trying to pull with that stunt. He wouldn't say.
Guys, STOP BEING SO DARN UNREADABLE!
Since then I haven't spoken to him. He hasn't reached out to me either.
- Current Mood: pensive
- Current Music:Miss A - Lips
I'm not sure If I would do an "Alice reads..." or "Rage Quit: ..." kind of thing on xanga, livejournal, tumblr or make a blogger. I know I'll need an outlet to convey my horror but I don't usually express my rage online. I think I'll do it because MONEY.
- Current Mood: annoyed
- Current Music:Lessang feat. Jang Gi Ha & The Faces - 우리 지금 만나 (Let's Meet Now)
I suck at internet consistency.
Anyway I just wanted to post that today there was a really cute guy on the train when I was heading to school.
A really cute guy that happens to go to my school.
A really cute guy that I lose sight of once we arrive at the station only to find him suddenly materialize by my side in the same building where I have class.
I was so stunned to see cute guy in the same building and standing - oh so close too me - that I'm paralyzed as I see him get on the elevator I was waiting for.
Cute guy on train sitting across from me.
Cute guy goes to the same college I go to.
Cute guy has class in the same building on campus.
Which tells me one thing...
The universe is such a tease.
I can never catch a break. I'll probably never see him again because I never get to find the same cute guys I'm attracted too twice.
I just needed to get this off my mind and write it out. Spazzing out on a blog always makes me feel better.
I hate being boy crazy like this but honestly it don't happen as often as it seems.
There is a different between hot guys and guys that I find absolutely attractive.
I really want to blog more but I can never find the right time or mood to write which is odd for someone who feels better writing out their thoughts. I could try a diary again (it would be attempt #56 or so) but pen and paper never do it for me.
5/10/13 EDIT: I was totally right. I never saw him again. Why universe why? Also last Friday was crazy but I don't want to write about it yet because I'm still unable to process what happened. Still not sure if what happened was a good thing or a bad thing. :/
There is this girl in my Speech class, she is so nice and well liked, its like she's perfect.
She's confident, intelligent, outspoken, talen
She's everything I'm not. I harbor a great dislike for naturally well liked people or confident people.
Does that make me a hater? I don't outwardly express my dislike for her. Confident people just irritate me.
Augh I'm a terrible person, totally backwards.
My kind of people are the glass half empty kind of people, self deprecating and cynical.
I feel more comfortable with people with flaws. I'm not opposed to being around happy or optimistic personalities but if your super duper perfect I will privately hate you and wish you hell.
Also, she's trying to steal the only friend I have in that class.
You know the guy who I have a crush on but I still don't know if he's gay or not and I don't want to ask him but I suspect he might be gay. I have no gaydar so I don't know. << This doesn't matter.
What matters is that she's trying to steal the only friend I've made in that class and of course she's so much more awesome than I am its only a matter of time before he falls in her clutches and leaves me. I have the worst luck when it comes to making and retaining friends. :(
- Current Mood: bitchy
- Current Music:It's Cold (Feat. Lee Hi) - Epik High
NOTE TO SELF: Never plan to meet up with "enlighten, rainbow" hippie. They don't believe in planning or remembering about a plan or about meeting an old friend.
He They are all about love, peace, traveling, and not keeping to their word.
Fuck him and his all of his whores in different area codes.
- Current Mood: angry
So the guy I like hugged me on Thursday. I post about now because I'm still in shock.
Why am I so happy about this? I really shouldn't since he's just a friend.
I met him in class a few weeks ago. I have a new friend in college. yay.
Because I'm an idiot I immediately have a crush on him. nay?
He's a new friend from college who I don't know if he's gay or not although I get gay vibes from him, I don't have gaydar so...
My life is a mess, of course it is, it wouldn't be my life it it didn't include me having an unrequited crush.
- Current Mood: thoughtful
- Current Music:Come Back Down - Lifehouse